I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
