Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
