This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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