we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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