It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize