Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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