epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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