I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
babies were throwing up all over the place
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
