having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
