he thought i was a dude.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
