just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
