he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
