I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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