is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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