I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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