this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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