plz talk dirty to me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
