M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
