I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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