i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
