It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
