brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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