i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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