this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize