is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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