why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
