She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize