I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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