I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
