At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
