My hand turned me down
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
