RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
