My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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