I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
