It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
