I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
