we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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