We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
