sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
