Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
