you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
