Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
