Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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