So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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