do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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