Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
