Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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