Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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