I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
