Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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