I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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