I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
