I can text with my tongue
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
