i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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