i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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