I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you traded sex for a burrito?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
