so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
