Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
