Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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