I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
