you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
