I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
