And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
