Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
